Wednesday 27 May 2015

Dating and maturity 

By the time a woman or man has reached thirty- five to forty, are they really looking for something different from the dating scene? The age of forty is considered now still be quite young with people living for so much younger, not even middle aged!  When I was a child I held an image of people in their forties being old and frumpy and ready for knitting for expectant grandchildren.  Nowadays, as people tend to have families later than a decade ago thirty or even forty can still be an age for going out and having fun.  Certainly there are all modes of entertainment for that age group, from Bands, Theatres, Restaurants, Cinemas and numerous dance classes, it is all out there if you want to find it.

In my experience, by the time a woman has entered into this age group, they are often a lot more sure of what they are looking for in life.  Men however seem to be much more casual in relationships seeming unsure of what they want.  It could be that women recover from knock backs in romance in the way of divorce separations more easily than men.  To a certain extent, without seeming to be prejudice against men, women have just had to get on with it.  Although a man has traditionally been the breadwinner and certainly has to carry on in that role, a woman has had to hold the family together and put the needs of the children before her.  She has learnt to share, to be second or even third place in the family and when push comes to shove in a lot of ways she is much more adaptable.

When someone has gone through a messy relationship breakup, there may well be baggage.  From a man’s point of view “baggage” can particularly relate to children and ex- partners but from a woman’s point of view men can also have baggage in the way of unexpressed emotions.  Men are more inclined to hold on to anger because they are unable to communicate in the same way women do.  Women love to talk about and share their problems with other women but who do men talk to and even if they do talk are they able to express their feelings in the same way, being wired differently!  The term “baggage” however, can feel very unpleasant and seems to stick to women like glue as it is often banded about in the dating scene.  It creates feelings of inadequacy and negativity as well as a feeling of “how dare he talk about my children like that!”

However it is certainly true to say that emotional issues tend to come to the fore and the same old situations keep resurfacing again and again as people tend to go from one relationship to another without really thinking of what they want from relationships.

There are terms such as “a casual relationship” often mentioned on dating sites, or “see how it goes” or even serious which tend to leave you in a complete state of confusion with “I hadn’t really thought about it before and why would you, when it may be the first time you have been on the dating scene for many years.  One of the problems is with women in particular, is that they often do want “a serious relationship” but they are scared of saying what they want for fear of frightening someone off or not feeling worthy.  If a woman feels unworthy because of feelings of low self esteem due to a past relationship then she may actually fear having another decent relationship with a man because of worrying she could never make the grade and so she may opt for something she really doesn’t want.  She will often sell herself short and settle for a casual or see how it goes affair which doesn’t bring her happiness and just keeps her in a cycle of self-destruction.

This is definitely where the Law of Attraction can be very helpful along with good old fashioned sense!

Think about the type of person that you are looking for in your life.

Believe that he/she is out there and he/she is also looking for you with positive expectancy

Write a list of qualities that you would like your partner to have and keep them positive!

 Avoid saying the words no, or not or this and that, just stick to what you do want
i.e.  He is really kind or he is good with money (or both of these!)

Stating an age range is also a good idea and also that you would like him to be completely available to spend time with you.  That way you won’t attract anyone married or still attached in some way.

Be realistic but at the same time kind to yourself.

If you would like an attractive man or woman, then give a physical description of what she looks like.  What is attractive to you may not be attractive to someone else and so the words “I find attractive” may be useful.  

Do not feel guilty about putting your requests out into the ethers.  It is the same process for anything you want to achieve in your life whether it is getting a book published, passing your driving test or getting that important job.  Know it and you have won.

“Or k(now) it and you’ve won!” – try and bring your thoughts into the now moment, to the point where you can feel the success rising in you, this will help your attract the relationship you want through the Law of Attraction.

The most important thing of all when we make our request is that we ask with a centred heart and that we allow good things into our life, “The Law of Allowing” Esther and Jerry Hicks.  Sometimes we need to ask, surrender and trust. 

There are so many ways that people look for what traditionally was called Mr. Right but now tends to be “my soul mate or my twin soul.”  As I say in my books I definitely believe that we have more than one soul mate as many large soul groups evolve and work together, so it could be that the feeling of recognition that you have with someone is just another person from your soul group.

Timing is ultimately the most important thing, as there may be many good reasons why you meet certain people in your life at times and sometimes it is about just carrying you forward to the next stage of your journey.  Relationships can often be very short, or they can go happily on for many years.

The traditional pattern of meeting someone when you are young and carrying that relationship on through to old age is not as common now as it use to be with the divorce rate rising. There are often more issues to do with trust as so many people are running like scared rabbits but they are no longer sure what they are running to or from it is just like a crazy scene from Watership Down!

Feel rest assured that although there are many nearly identical slippers for you to try, there is only one slipper that really fits you.  It is normally the one which is the most comfortable and doesn’t nip, rub or hurt!

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